Troll 2 – Worst Best Movie Ever

February 1, 2010 at 10:04 pm (Bad Movies) (, , , , , , )

“This is Hospitality and you can’t piss on hospitality”  I don’t know if this show really deserves to be on this website because it’s so horrible it almost redeems itself by being so stupidly funny.   The film takes itself so seriously that you can’t stop laughing at how dumb it is.

Troll 2, which doesn’t have a prequel that actually is part of the story or have any trolls in it, is horribly amazing.  If you are in the mood for a completely absurd movie watch this, but if you are going for a quality movie… anywhere else!

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From Hell…. Such a waste of time

January 7, 2010 at 11:18 pm (Bad Movies) (, , , , )

I don’t know if Johnny Depp was picking his movie out of a hat or something, but in all honesty this movie isn’t worth the 99 cents that you can probably fish it out of a bargain bin at.   There is a night and day difference between a quality movie of Johnny’s like Pirates or Sweeny and this poor excuse for a movie.

The plot was vague, the acting was not up to snuff.   There is just a lot wrong with this movie and doesn’t give you an conclusion in the end.   The main this that I got out of this movie was that, the guy really wanted to  “Chase the Dragon”   that is not a premise for a movie.    Save yourself and your sanity and avoid this mother of a movie.

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Worst Spinoff to date…

December 3, 2009 at 8:58 pm (Bad Movies) (, , , )

Do you know know what happens when you take a great movie franchise, then try to make a spin off involving Sharon Stone and Halle Berry??   You create a movie that was one of the longest two hours of my life!!!

Catwoman is definitely one of those movies that you try to hide from your friends when they are looking through your movie collection.  Halle Berry’s performance is at best mediocre and Sharon Stone’s super power is having an unbreakable face.

It is painfully funny to watch if I was you, go into this movie with the idea of laughing at everything they did wrong.   Because if you are expecting the usual superhero movie, this falls far from the mark.

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If you have to buy them, buy them cheap

November 25, 2009 at 10:30 pm (Bad Movies) (, , )

Well, it’s that time of year again, time for Thanksgiving and Black Friday, the two busiest days of my life. One day I spent cooking and eating the greatest food on Earth, then I have a midday nap and I get ready to stand out in the cold so that I can get amazing shopping deals.  Now, all of us go through the movie aisles and grab our favorite horrible movies.  If you want to pick them up… I suggest when they are uber cheap to do it.  I have been looking around recently for a copy of Troll 2 to add to my collection and hopefully this will be the year.

Though, I have figure out a way to even get more off on my Black Friday sales.  My master plan this year is to get gift certificates that at a discount on sites like citydeals or others and then use them for payment on my items.  This is what I call a double bonus, a genius move on my part!

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There are just some movies… they just aren’t up to par!!

November 2, 2009 at 9:03 pm (Bad Movies) (, , , , , )

I believe there are usually redeeming features in most movies, sometimes you really have to search for them but they are there.  “Kingdom of Heaven” is one of those movies that I struggle to find one.   In all the ancient war movies like “Gladiator & 300”, this one doesn’t hold a candle to them.  I found an article that pretty thoroughly points to the flaws in this film.

“Kingdom of Heaven” Sought to Be an Epic Film, But Became a Disaster in Production

By Ed Bagley

Kingdom of Heaven – 1 Star (Terrible)

Unfortunately for the “Kingdom of Heaven”, what started out as an ambitious epic film about a little known time in history, became an almost disaster at its release and was only average at best. There is enough blame to spread around.

First, there is a reason why the immortal “Gone with the Wind”, which involved a turbulent love affair in the American south during the Civil War and Reconstruction, took almost 4 hours to see. You apparently cannot make a quality, classic film about the Civil War in less time. Ken Burns’ acclaimed documentary film “The Civil War” consisted of 9 episodes and took 11 hours to view.

Second, there may be a market for a film in the Middle Ages about the Christian Crusades, a series of military expeditions by Europeans to recover the Holy Land from the Muslims in the 11th, 12th and 13th Centuries. That market, regrettably, is very small compared to an epic about the Civil War, World War I or World War II.

Third, when 3-time, Best Director Oscar-nominee Ridley Scott (“Black Hawk Down”, “Gladiator” and “Thelma and Louise”) presented the film to the studio at 194 minutes (3 hours and 14 minutes), the studio execs demanded that it be cut to two hours, believing that moviegoers would not sit through a 3-hour film.

This proved to be a critical mistake in judgment. It was nearly impossible for Scott to tell the Kingdom of Heaven story in 2 hours, and when the movie received really mixed reviews and proved to be a financial disappointment in the United States, the error was clearly noticeable.

Fourth, not only was this film to be an epic story, its production cost was enormous. Most of the filming was in Morocco, and Mohammad VI, King of Morocco, provided 1,500 of his military personnel with accompanying equipment to help in the filming.

In addition, there were apparently 15,000 handmade costumes for the film that also required helmets, boots, gloves, chainmail, belts and scabbards. The flag budget for the film was $250,000. There were 7,500 weapons, 3,000 shields and 20,000 arrows used in the film. In one scene alone, there were 143 extras, 60 military personnel, 125 horses and 60 camels.

A massive replica of Jerusalem was constructed in the Sahara Desert, containing 28,000 square meters of wall that required 6,000 tons of plaster. The front set was 1,200 feet long and the walls were 56 feet tall. Good grief.

Fifth, writer William Monahan’s first draft of the script was 186 pages. Executive producer Lisa Ellzey thought Fox would never approve the script because of its length, so she cut it to only 20 pages before submitting it.

Sixth, Orlando Bloom was not ready to play the leading role as Balian of Ibelin, and his performance did not reflect the kind of command and presence necessary to pull it off.

Seventh, I had great difficulty as a moviegoer following the story as its presentation required much more help in context, or from a narrator, to understand what was happening when and why it was important.

Eighth, the sound in the film was terrible. There were times when it was impossible to understand the dialog and, without this essential element, there is no way the film would be rated good by my standards. Sound is too basic of a need to succeed and, when it goes unnoticed because it is well done, it is not an issue.

Ninth, this whole project was sad from start to finish. What could have become a good film could not overcome the obstacles along the way. Two bright spots in the film were the performances of Liam Neeson as Godfrey de Ibelin and Ghassan Massoud as Saladin, the great Muslim leader.

In his quest to be noble, Liam Neeson was able to deliver this dialog as Godfrey de Ibelin: “Be without fear in the face of our enemies. Be brave and upright that God may love thee. Speak the truth always, even if it leads to your death. Safeguard the helpless and do no wrong. That is your oath.” (Spoken to his son, Balian, when making him a knight.)

History records that Saladin and his Muslim troops did recapture Jerusalem after defeating the King of Jerusalem at the Battle of Hattin near the Lake of Galilee. When Saladin’s soldiers enter the City of Jerusalem, they were not allowed to kill civilians, rob people, or damage the city.

In many ways, the Muslims come out looking better than the Christians in Kingdom of Heaven, and historically, they were.

Copyright © 2009 Ed Bagley

Read more of my movie reviews on films with a lot of substance, depth and feeling, including:

“A Christmas Story”
“My Big Fat Greek Wedding”
“Secondhand Lions”
“The Chorus (Les Choristes in French)”
“Waking Ned Devine”
“Chariots of Fire”

These are all excellent films that can make you smile, laugh, cry and feel better for the experience. Don’t just live life, experience life at its best.

For my more sensitive, feminine readers, read my salute to Audrey Hepburn:
” Pardon Me, I Am Gushing Again About Hollywood’s Incomparable Actress: Audrey Hepburn – She Was Grace and Humility Personified”

For my more tough, masculine readers, read my salute to the Spaghetti Westerns:
“A Fistful of Dollars” Started Sergio Leone’s Masterpiece Trilogy of Spaghetti Westerns”
“For a Few Dollars More” Establishes Leone As a Master of Creating Emotion”
“The Good, The Bad and the Ugly” Ends Sergio Leone’s Spaghetti Western Trilogy”

Also for both guys and gals, piracy and romance in:
“Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl” with Johnny Depp as Captain Jack Sparrow.
“Pirates of the Caribbean: “Dead Man’s Chest” with Johnny Depp as the perfect pirate.
“Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End” with Johnny Depp.

Find my articles at:
http://www.edbagleyblog.com
http://www.edbagleyblog.com/MovieReviews.html

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